New Drink of choice

Well not really new? I've always liked and drank coffee. But for the next 2 weeks Mac Donald's is giving away free coffee, so when I got up this morning I went out to get some. I can't pass up something that is free! specially when it's coffee!! :)


Today I saw my doctor, and the prognosis is?? ....... Well I'm doing fine. So I mentioned my left knee was still hurting allot so he sent me down for some x-ray's I won't know anything for a few weeks until I see the Doctor again, but I did take a look at my x-ray's when they got developed and I can tell you for sure!! I couldn't diagnosis my x-ray if my life depended on it! ...To me it looked like a knee joint with bits of sharp jagged shards of bone fragments across the front of my knee joint, but that's what I saw? Who knows what the doctor will see? ;)


I also have to go for blood work as part of my normal physical, but I have to fast and not eat or drink anything past midnight before going in in the morning. I tryed to go get the blood work done today as I hadn't eaten since last night, but when I got to the Lab after my doctors appointment there were people lined up out the door, and I was told it was like a 2 hour wait, so maybe I'll try tomorrow.

:)

Six Weeks

Wow! it's been six weeks since I quit drinking!?! Where did the time go? I don't miss it or have any urge to drink, so I guess things are going good. I'm feeling allot better now, more focused still tired from the medication, but am getting my butt out to train.

What have I been doing? Well over the last two weeks mostly watching the Olympics. We had an awesome Olympics with 14 gold medals, most gold medals by any country ever in a winter Olympics and we did it on home soil! I'm proud of our Olympians and our Country for putting on such an awesome Games!

I'm still mostly running only short distances of 5 to 7k 3 - 4 times a week and swimming 1000 m after each run. Just over 3 weeks until the Around the Bay 30 k race. I'm looking forward to it!

The weather is starting to look better with temps starting to go above 0C this week and by Sat we are looking to have temps almost up to 10C, so if this keeps up I'm hoping to get out on my bike by weeks end, even if its for a short ride.


:)

Coming along

Things are settling down for me and I'm feeling better and getting sleep. It will take a while for full recovery while my medication takes effect. I think I almost had a half smile the other day. ;)

While I'm waiting to become happy again I have been focusing on nothing. I just don't feel like doing anything. The Prozac I'm taking makes me tired and all I want to do is lay around. I make myself go out to the gym and I have been swimming and running, but in a more laid back don't give a damn way. While running I feel like I'm going through the motions but there is no effort intensity or drive to my motions, at least not like I used to train with my less is more plan. I feel like my run isn't doing anything as I move my legs on the treadmill with my arms swaying slightly and my head just staring out and thinking la la la... until I finish my runs.

With my swims I get the same thing, no drive. Even my swim times are getting slower as I go thought my motions. I can barely crack 18 min on my 1000m now.

As for weight? My weight is finally coming down, maybe that's why my swim times are slower? less buoyancy? lol....I may make my goal weight of 220lb for the Around the bay 30k race March 27th as I planed.

I have one month left until Around the Bay 30k race that I'm doing with my wife Joanne. She is training very well, doing her first 20k run last Sunday building her distance nicely, although she did have problems with calf cramping. I think she will do well and finish better then she expects, as she has no confidence in her ability's. That is where I will come in. On race day I will be pacing her along to get her to the finish. As for me my longest run is and will only be 10k in training as my knees can't take the strain or pain of going longer. I have no worries for doing the distance with Joanne, as Joannes running is much slower then my running. I will just gut it out on race day and take extra pain killers to numb my knees. Going long on race day with Joanne will be like a long day of training for me, which I can bare the pain in my knees to get her across the finish line for her first stand alone long distance race.


:/

A little insight on my breakdown.

So what is it like to have a nervous breakdown? I'll tell you one thing! it's not fun!

I guess I should start with how this could happen to a guy like me! "An Ironman" ......Well Ironman or not, guy or girl, man or woman, it doesn't matter who or what you are. The brain is very complicated and sensitive that keeps on running day and night whether you think so or not! and when something is bothering it, it tries to deal with it, and if it can't deal with it, it breaks down. It's no different then any muscle in you body? you work your muscles to the point of exertion until if doesn't work no more. Well this is what has happened to me mentally, my brain has taken all the punishment it can take where I just couldn't turn it off, causing me anxiety and not being able to sleep.

But what brought this on? To start with I was feeding my brain stress with alcohol, covering up what my doctor said is a deep seeded depression. Technically I will admit I'm an alcoholic which my Doctor agrees with, but I didn't drink all the time. I didn't need a drink first thing in the morning, or during the day, I never thought of drinking or of alcohol though the day, but when I got home from work I needed to relax, to turn my mind off and used the alcohol to do this for me to get to sleep.

How much is to much? Well that is relevant to each individual. As for me? it wasn't how much I drank, but how much I consumed to get me to the point to be relaxed enough to get to sleep.

Well, it got out of control and I knew this. I didn't like it as it was effecting my physical being! I was gaining a lot of weight and wasn't feeling good any more, even though I was still training. It became harder and harder to train daily, but I felt I had to train to help maintain and keep my weight down but it wasn't working.

What did I do? ...Well to start with I had to admit I had a problem! and then I finally said enough is enough! so I quit drinking cold turkey!! It's not a big deal! I've done that before. I've quit drinking when I've felt I was over doing it.

The only problem was? I had never been drinking as much as I have drank lately. In my benders before I would drink a few every night and on weekends drink heavy. But this time because of my stresses I was drinking heavy nightly. A bottle of wine followed by 2-3 beer, the next night 6 vodka shots following each with a beer, the next night just vodka and diet grapefruit pop, one of my favorites, and so on... You get the idea.

So now with my deep seeded depression been covered up nicely over the years and with my heavy drinking of late, I quit drinking cold turkey and thought nothing of it! ....

Well, that was the start of when  I lost it! I felt fine, no shakes, I was happy, I had no problems for the first 2 days, everything was going fine. Then on the third day everything was going normal, I went on my daily ritual of training and off to work, then I get home watch some Tv then went to bed. That's when the problems started! I started tossing and turning and I couldn't sleep....... Then it hit me! The anxiety! I jump up and can't breath, my heart is pounding out of my chest and I'm sweating like I just ran a 10 k. I get out of bed and walk around trying to calm myself. I drank some milk, hoping to make me sleepy watch some Tv and when I though I was calm enough I went back to bed only to get more anxiety. I stayed up all night ending up watch tv.

I knew in my mind this is a result of my stopping drinking and I was thinking if I just go down and grab a beer I'll be fine! but I said no! I can't! I have to work though this.

When Morning finally arrived Joanne got up to ready herself for work and came downstairs and asked what I was doing up? I didn't tell her I quit drinking, but said I just couldn't sleep. I layed back in the sofa and tried to relax until it was time for work. I went to work and by the end of my shift I was so tired I figured this is great, when i get home I can finally sleep.

I get home get ready for bed, put my head on my pillow and bam! another anxiety attack! I get up and down, go to the bathroom pee a little, back to bed almost getting to sleep and Bam! another Attack, I get up walk around, watch tv, go pee, I must have peed 20 times that night and just couldn't sleep. when morning arrived again Joanne came down and said why are you up again? I just said I couldn't sleep. I called work to say I wouldn't be in and called my Doctor for an appointment.

When I got to my Doctor I was a total wreck! and he saw this. I told him everything what was going on and told me this will pass and I'm doing the right thing. He told me to take the week off work to relax and he prescribed some pill for me to get to sleep and later that night I finally got to sleep.

I thought the worst was over! Little did I know!! ......The next night I went to bed and it started all over again, more anxiety, I tried to relax and tossed and turned for a few hours and finally gave in and took a pill to help me sleep. This went on the rest of the week, only when it was time to sleep was I getting anxious. I made another doctors appointment to see what the heck is going on with me? as if I didn't know? I knew I was depressed! My doctor said I was well beyond detoxing from alcohol and concurred with me after our long talk that I have a deep seeded depression going on that I covered up with my drinking. My doctor prescribed some anti-depressants for me ( Prozac) and now I'm on my journey back to a healthy mind anxiety free!

I am now 5 weeks alcohol free and plan on staying this way for a long while.



: ) <--Prozac face

It's been a while

Not to get into details with my personnal life, I'll do that in my book I write in the future! ....

I've been going through a lot of physical and emotional problems of late causing me to withdraw from my daily routines of enjoying life. I am working though this ruff time and am slowly getting better with the realization that my life must go on without crutches, even though life throws you curve balls. I am staying positive!

I am still working out daily and staying active as you can see in this video down below with my annual polar bear dip in the lake during winterfest here in Barrie last weekend.

Thanks to all who had the mind to be concerned about me with your e-mails while I was MIA. I will be back in full force as myself soon! I am positive about that! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR.... It's time to train again ...

Happy New Year,

My resolution? My plan is to train hard, enjoy my upcoming tri season this year and to stay happy and healthy.

I have 3 full days left of vacation before my training starts for my upcoming race season. It's been a good holiday season for me. But now my two week vacation break from work and training is coming to an end. I feel guilty for not training and I think I've gained about 10 pounds, but I needed this break to regroup before starting up my planed training for my 2010 tri season and now the holiday's are almost over I'm eager to get back into my routine and start training.

My first race this year is the around the bay 30km road race on March 28, My diet start up on Monday and my goal is to get my weight down to 220lbs by then. Right now I'm weighing 245 so my goal isn't to far fetched in losing 25 lbs in 3 months, who knows if I stick to my plan I may even lose more the 25 lbs? lets hope.

Although my first race is around the bay 30k I'm only running it to pace Joanne for her first road race and as a training run for me to get myself ready for my first tri which will be Ironman Florida 70.3 in May. My goal at Florida 70.3 is to finish strong, meaning I want to be able to run the half marathon portion of the race in a half descent time with a time goal of around 2:15 - 2:30. and hopefully finish the race in a time goal of around 6 hour which will be doable if I have a good run. But for now, I have to get back to reality, stick to my training plan and diet and lose weight first.


Happy New Year.

:)

Canadian Winter Olympic Torch relay

As most of you know Canada is hosting the 2010 winter Olympics in Vancouver BC, and part of the Olympics is the running of the Olympic torch (flame) to light the Olympic cauldron to start the Olympics whether it be summer or winter Olympics. And to celebrate Canada's Olympic's the Olympic torch is being run across Canada as a relay until it's final destination in Vancouver to light the Olympic cauldron to start the games.

Today the the torch is coming to Barrie where it will finish it's journey for today at Barrie city hall with a celebration of the Olympic torch coming to town with a ceremonial lighting of miniature cauldron symbolizing the lighting of the Olympic flame in Barrie as it's host for the night until the Olympic flame continues on it's journey tomorrow morning to North bay as it makes it's way to Vancouver.

Earlier today I went up to Elmvale, a town north of Barrie where the torch relay was running through on route to it's final destination for today in Barrie later tonight. The torch was scheduled to pass though Elmvale at 11:45am and I wanted a chance to see it up close as to when it reaches Barrie tonight at 7pm at city hall there will be thousands of people around and I didn't want to miss my chance to get up close and maybe a chance to touch the torch. Plus I'll be volunteering at Barrie city hall tonight for the celebrations and ceremony and I don't know if I will get a chance to get up close?

I'm so glad I went up to Elmvale! It was exciting to see, touch and run along with the Olympic torch and here is a video clip.

:)

My family Tradition

I have been reading this story to my kids since they were born, carrying on the tradition of Joannes father who read the same story to her since she was a baby.

Merry Christmas

***********MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE***********

-House is all cleaned up, Turkey is ready to be cooked in the morning and beer is in the fridge ready to be drank! I'm ready for Christmas! Woo Hoo!!

Training is stalled

I'm not getting much training in this week. I may try to get out to the running room with the running club tonight for a run, but it's cold out and I don't like running in the cold. I know I'm a wimp!

In other news! I renewed my family rec pass. I had a dilemma with Joanne having a single pass that runs into the end of January and I couldn't renew the family pass until that was up. So what they did instead was credited the difference of what was left on Joannes pass onto the new Family pass canceling out Joannes pass, Simple! Now I can get back to the rec center to do some diving if I want, plus the rest of the family can now use the rec pass to, all for about the same payment that Joanne was paying on her single pass, give or take $30.00 for 4 extra people using the pass.

I'll still be training at LA/Fitness though. I like it there and it have everything I need, plus it has better machines at my disposal, as well as having a open swim lane to myself every time I swim. :)

I'm also picking up a minoura bike trainer from a friend tomorrow who sold it to me for only $30.00 retail it sell for $200.00 I'm planing on using it at work over the winter during my dinner breaks as I ramp up my training come January using my old Raleigh Smiley bike on it.

My Christmas shopping is all done and presents wrapped. All I have to do is wait for the old jolly guy to come down the chimney Christmas night and come Christmas morning watch all the happy shining faces open presents, then cook Christmas dinner.

:)